Motivation

ok, not so tired today. :)

not that i didnt do anything.....did alot , alot of things.....

was thinking of what motivates me to still do the things....

dr hang spoke of internal/external motivation a few days back...for students....

i guess it is true that everyone is motivated differently and broadly speaking it is true that motivations are either internal or external.

i suppose external would include rewards, results, achievements, recognition, wealth, glory, reputation, expectations of others, even to be driven to be together with friends, family should be external motivations?

Internal motivation...values, curiosity, adventurous spirit, sense of duty, for the sake and consideration of another party, taking pride in ones own work, setting goals and standards for oneself, perfectionism, idealism, doing it unto God should be internal motivation?

Motivation by fear/expectations/no choice....are these motivations?

i am obviously one that works by internal motivation....in fact 'external' motivation has a way of putting me off. Giving of freebies, queuing up for discounts, bargaining, and at work pb......it is not that i am well off. When i was in financial difficulty, i would go for simple things, what people would call 'cheap' things; but i dont like lucky draws, etc etc from young. Not that I dont consider good offers, but it must be because I intended to buy the product and choose the time when the cost is lower. Not that i would be drawn becos of the offers. It is almost like being mindless...and this is what advertisers see through and set up traps of temptations. funny, from young, i saw through....

similarly at work, at relationships....i am averse to calculating attitude. it is not to say i dont feel disappointed when not 'recognised', esp in younger days, it really matters, not becos of 'career' climb, but more hurt, like being rejected. but i usually come round that cos in the first place it was done for the cause, not whether what was done was accepted or rejected. not nice to be rejected, but this is life. just take it.

what is the test of internal/external motivations? when the chips are down, when there is no personal gain in stall, and u can still carry on becos the work has to carry on...then the motivation is internal. i remembered reading a couple of articles of a few men who worked stoically (and not unhappily) who never took holidays abroad, and dont see anything wrong, and still remain so unassuming despite their successes...these men are few....it must be many years back, and i remembered being struck by them....

so many many years later, i am thankful my values remain unchanged. so i worked today happily. There u are, i bounced back and am 'happy' again. i have done my duty, and did my best again for today. that makes another good day.

must say my motivations are rather near-sighted though ie no goals, much less long term goals. Just happy that it is a day that i worked well....and happy to be with pussies (tiger is sprawled next to the laptop on the table)....its good to be happy with simple things....:)

-----------------------------------------------
was really happy to have ky back today. this morning, tiger was meowing (he doesnt usually do that) and the meow usually mean 'hurry up, i am hungry, get in quickly'. But that was not dinner time. It was becos ky was outside. He remembered her well! And when she came in, he sprawled on the floor to get her attention, and put his head on her foot. That amazed me. He does that only to me.

Tiger is both unaffectionate and affectionate. Basically unaffectionate. Only shows his soft side with very few: me, sk, and i can see ky. I was rather pleased...

ky means alot to me. we cooked tog, baked tog, planted plants tog, buy things tog, learn music tog....true we are very very different....but 25 years is a long time, not to say the friendship was forged during very dark times....i am very glad she is back.....truly charity never faileth....

momentarily, i thought of dk....i no longer hope for reconciliation there.....but if there ever is, i would be very grateful......

of all friends, dk means the most to me.... the friend that made the most sacrifices for me, for no other reason but altruism....and that for more than half a lifetime.....that spontaneity, unspoilt friendship is rare....in fact that i have reached the level i have in teaching, i owe much to dk....whatever, i am grateful in life to have known such a friendship....
--------------------------------------------

sk says mum is good spirit today. top form, she says. But her cough was very bad last nite....i block out all thoughts...mustnt think...just push on.....i really really hope she can pass cny without discomfort.....she will be very happy if she does....so will all of us......whatever mustnt think....