sentiments...

days seem to pass so fast when there are goalposts....i think this is the main difference between the second half of this year and the earlier half. Somehow in no time, a week passed....

Still recovering from the downturn 3 weeks ago.... energy is much reduced....have slowed down pace of things. I have learnt to really cut down obligations when in the past, I would always accommodate. It is not so easy to get back to norm, and really at the end of the day, one has to take responsibility for oneself. Sometimes one does wonder what 'take care' means. I say that often too.....to me, I would have wanted to take care of the other party, but not being able to, I could only ask them to 'take care'. It does carry some warmth....but sometimes, it can be an ironic statement.

Nevertheless, whatever the sapping of physical energy, my mental state remains as alert. :)  This morning, I sat for the first tcm exam, and it wasnt too bad. Probably wont say the same for Friday's paper. But still, it is quite an achievement because apart from the huge  handicap of language (half my coursemates are China Chinese which made the handicap even wider!) and time commitment in other aspects, being ill for 2-3 weeks definitely didnt help, and i really thought i should quit. But thus far, I think I should make it through, and hopefully to the next sem.

So, I am rewarding myself with some time here.

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Teacher Day's Week

With the change of T's day to the first friday of September, there is hence no specified day so to speak. And those in the earlier school period still remember it as 1 September. So this day began with greetings from 30 August right up to 7 September.

I must be getting old, and feeling old. I never used to bother about such days. But now, it is nice to be remembered. The fact that people care enough to send greetings is really touching. Honestly in school, it can be meaningless, because it is an 'enforced' celebration. But out of school, that is really different.

One category of greetings is very special to me ~ coming from young teachers. More than anything else, I had wanted to impact young teachers to pass on my love of teaching. But I realised it is not as easy as I had thought. So having 3 such special mentees, I am touched. Very.

And a greeting from an former vice-principal who has not failed over the last 4 years to send his greeting. You can be in high places, and yet be so humble to those lesser than you. I really appreciate the thought.

And the kids whether from lat 1980s to 1990s (another 94 kid found me!) to those from blss, from jwss especially, and to the present, yes, all means alot to me.

Somehow the 2011 batch of students remain always special. I have to admit that whilst the present social media allows easy access and communication, I sometimes wish they didnt use that means to drop thoughtful notes... How can I keep them? Age makes one sentimental....

This is not to say that those who didnt drop greeting didnt care. I know many do. And they show in other ways. It doesnt matter actually because if it is in the heart, expressed or not, it is still in the heart. I understand that.

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To be honest, I was surprised that with their visit for this occasion. I suppose it is because Gerlynn would be leaving for Uk soon again. I had initially intended to invite them over in July/August but a series of happenings render it not a good idea.

When GY asked, and she always asked way in advance, I did think, perhaps not. But, i guess, i always worry there may not be another occasion, and when there is an occasion, i try always not to miss it. So, in the end, that was set.

Yes, as always it is always nice to see them. Very nice. And somehow, there is no awkwardness, the same feel, the same bond. Actually, if one were really to 'analyse', we did nothing 'meaningful'. They are a bunch of 'grown up' ungrown kids. A paradox. They are happy with food and puzzles, and games, and talking over nothing. But they are happy. That is their trademark. Not happy as in that kind of empty joy. Or happy like over the moon. But they are just happy to be in the company of people they are used to, and whom they dont have to worry about who think what of who etc. They fall into cliques of sorts, but somehow, they just have some kind of bond. Its the contentment kind of happy.

I was surprised that 15 turned up. I thought it would be about 10. It could have been 19, had circumstances allow. I would wish that it would be possible to have all 23 together one day. Rather hard, with two definitely abroad, and may not return to Singapore, since they are not local. Whether they are absent or present, I think of them.

Bonds are just bonds. There is no need for deep thought,no need for caring words. It is just bonds. How do you describe that? How was it develop? I really dont know. Its just something that clicks. No reason. There had been good and bad times, but somehow with time, bonds can overcome differences.

Sometimes it is just timing also. If they werent my first batch of kids that determine my return to teaching, would they have been so special? Whatever, it takes two to clap. I hope just as I always feel I am so lucky to have them, that they feel the same as well.

I guess when I see my kids from more than 25 years ago, I must say, I wonder how many years of 'reunion' do we have? But that doesnt matter. Cherish the present.

I was too tired actually to 'enjoy' the visit as it is. But just seeing them being at home with one another is enough for me.

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There are as always more thoughts than my words could be down. I just want to conserve energy, first to get out of this low bout, get the things that need to be done, done first, and then, seriously,  put the plenitude of thoughts to words....

The present mode is: conserve energy! :) Hopefully should write again after the next paper....by then, I would have attended scy award presentation....that is another world of thoughts....