One More Overcoming....

Completed planned schedule ahead of time; car servicing completed earlier than expected. So I told myself, get over it, go and see her....even then, I procrastinated till evening... actually they live just 2 bus-stops away from me, so I have no excuse really not to visit her...

She was in the room when I entered the house... when they told her, it was me, she quickened her steps, and I walked to her, and she held my hands...she said she has been asking for me, but understood I was very busy, and teaching is not easy... and listed the people whom she knew (and i knew) that were teaching...

She has lost alot of weight, and is definitely deteriorating; she is now 87? she asked the same question again and again; she held on to my hand; and asked after my sisters....actually no one in my family ever visited her except me; when she heard I was moving much further, she said, I cant visit you. When you have the time, you must visit me.

In the end, I cried. I knew it would reach this point. That was why I didnt want to go.

Why did i cry? Because she understood I was alone? Because she was mum's closest friend? Because she cared for me? I dont know. Tears just flowed. Hadnt cried for ages. I didnt even cry on the 100th day at the graveyard. Actually I show my emotion least with my own siblings.

Whatever. I got through this. She is very fond of me. When she refused to eat when she had a fall, only 2 persons can persuade her to eat more. Her second daughter in law who is busy looking after her own grandchildren, and has not seen her. The other person is me. I knew that. Somehow, I was always good with the elder generation. And I know I am special to her. She saw the hardship we went through, and when I was the only one left to shoulder everything. I know she is mean to alot of people. But never to me.

I told her I will visit her again. I will. Out of duty; Out of bonds;

They asked me to take dinner there; I said I have appointment, and just dropped in shortly. My appointment is with my cats.

One more overcoming....I have crossed one more hurdle; the crux will be leaving this place;

I will move on....
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Note: I had intended this blog as my diary. I need to write. El is one of the extremely few who rightly saw that I am very introverted. I am very articulate and communicative; but cant express the inner being in conversation. But I need to 'talk' ~ I need to hold out and carry on; this blog allows me to do so.... the outlet is good for me. So not to worry.... i will be ok. :)